Follow the sweetness

Boy I need a big hug.

2011-08-06T02:27:00.000-07:00

I wish why I knew why I freaked out. I had it stuck in my head since day one and I slowly became positive that something was wrong with me. I got feared it and I got extremely nervous and now I think everything that is happening to my body is a symptom to some horrible illness. I've become some type of hypochondriac and it will not go away until I go to the doctor and get check for every possible thing that I think I may have. I hope that once that is done I hope that I do not have anything and that this nervous wreck of a person will go away and let me the calm person I was before. There are nights I can't even sleep as much as I want to. I think and dream of what I fear and have to wake up to try to calm myself down.

I hate that I can't talk to my parents about certain things. I had to leave them in the dark for most things going on. It's sad that even now that I'm nearly in my 30s I cannot talk to may parents about certain topics in fear that once they know certain things about me they may judge me emotions and disappointments will be verbalized. Even with my few friends that I have, I was not able to tell them the everything in fear of judgement and repercussions. I miss having that friend that I could say anything to without judgement and would help me through this.

I am glad I have health insurance as crappy as it may be. I will able to see a doctor and get checked up and if possible I might ask for something for my depression.

boys

2011-05-01T23:38:00.000-07:00

I hate being lonely.

From time to time, I miss the guy I was seeing. I'm not sure if I miss HIM or just the fact that I miss the somewhat relationship with him. But I think of him and I remember us sitting/laying in bed watching Korean movies and me caressing the lines of his tattoos on his arms. I remember him singing a Spanish pop song that said "I love you so much every day a little more." thinking he can't sing for the life of him but it was totally cute. And then I think of the time he said he was interested in some girl and that we were only friends....

and now,

I have a crush on a guy that I'm pretty sure he is not interested. He seems like a nice guy and like my friend was telling me he's different. Maybe I like the fact that he's a different or it could just be that I like that he's unattainable to me. But for now, I take in the few moments I could stare at him and maybe talk to him and hope maybe one day...

I just wish I could be happy....

"I am lost"

2010-09-04T01:16:00.000-07:00

What's the point of drinking alcohol at home if you can't get drunk. ;c at least that's what I feel tonight.
For the past days I was happy.
Maybe it was because fall is just around the corner. October, Halloween is so much closer. Maybe it was because the holidays (even though I work right through them) are near. Maybe because a boy gave me somewhat a piece of mind because even though he's not mine...a little piece of him was.
But tonight, now...I'm not happy anymore. I knew it would be short. And I enjoyed the few days of happiness I had. If only I could stop thinking about the negative things as much as I do.
Its funny how one small insignificant thing can change my mood.

purge and rant.

2010-08-19T21:57:00.000-07:00

*sigh* I feeling down. I'm feeling jealous. I'm feeling like I need to get my shit together and get this ball rolling so I can stop thinking about how lame my life is. I'm just so sick and tired of a lot of things. I'm sick of friends taking me for granted. I'm sick of being invisible to guys that I'm interested. Yeah, they think I'm cool and "wife material" but just not cool to date. They just need to be hit in the fucking balls and kicked to the curb...along with all those crappy people that say they are my "friends" but they just say hey *looks around* Oh gotta jet but we should totally be BFFs online okay! XD.....=.=...right... Don't get me wrong, there are some people I would love to hang out with that I never get that chance to. I just wish I could. I suck as being a friend. I love love LOVE my friends, I'm there for them in a "in spirit" sense but when it comes to hanging out I just get so stuck in my shell thinking I'll say the wrong thing. heh. I don't get it.
I just want to purge all the crappy stuff in my life. I got tons of clutter that needs to go away.
About my life so far... well I work and I come home. My BFF doesn't talk to me anymore (woo!) and the guy I am interested in, told me he should have dated me. But he's emotionally unavailable and my other friend, well she's busy being all christian like finding solace in Jesus because her guy is a perv. So I sit at home wondering why I can't drink at home and not get yelled at on how I'm going to be an alcoholic if I keep it up. Yup, this is my sad life. Awesome! Jealous? I totally know you are.

2010-05-13T23:11:00.001-07:00

I would like to say that I'm mature, that I act the age I am.26 *cringe* However, when it comes to my life, I sometimes feel like I'm not acting my age...ever. I'm shy when it comes to social events like some seven year old and when I get mad I pout and try to give the silent treatment like some twelve year old. Half of the time I feel like everything I'm experiencing right now, I should have experienced it when I was eighteen. Therefore, I feel like I'm still a teenager. Naive and oblivious to how the world really works. It's frustrating. I don't think living with my parents work either. Don't get me wrong. I adore my parents. They are always there for me (something I can't say about most friends) and I do enjoy coming home and hanging out with them from time to time. But, there are days when they treat me like I'm a fifteen year old and I should be scolded because I don't know things. They want me to be an adult but they don't want me to grow up. It doesn't help me. I want to feel like I understand certain situations when I'm being told about them. I want to relate to my peers.
I just don't know how to go about that.

2010-04-29T23:06:00.000-07:00

I would just like to say...
You can go to HELL. You don't know what you want and you'll never fucking grow up. You're always going to be that selfish bitch that takes everyone for granted. Well its done, thanks for being such an asshole and leading things on and then just stopping it at a drop of a hat because some lesser version is paying close attention. Bravo. I hope karma hits you hard and I hope it blows up in your face.

urgh.

2010-04-19T19:31:00.000-07:00

Don't you hate when you like someone and you're interested in going out with them. I mean you try and be this person that is interested in what they are. You move things around so then you can hang out with them more. Sometimes you even do things you didn't think of doing before. And after all that, they end up telling you they are interested in someone else....
You know at some level they knew you liked them, but I guess they didn't like you enough to actually go out with you. It was just something casual for them when here you thought it might be something more. But that's the catch, only you thought it "might be" and that's where it's you're fault. nobody else.

2009-11-02T19:19:00.001-08:00

I definitely need a more exciting life..
and I know that a pregnancy is not part of it....

2009-08-05T02:28:00.000-07:00

So I'm moving things around in my room and I see a few things I'm getting rid of. I'm going to post pictures on here and put a price on them. If you want them, just let me know. If you care to haggle by all means do so

I get one every year

2009-07-01T17:28:00.000-07:00

So

Happy Mother fucking 26th Birthday

to me

Yup today is my birthday and I'm trying to be upbeat about it despite a few disappointments. But I guess. right...
I'm gonna have dinner with the family.
Hopefully I'll go see Ezrael
My brother and Liz took me out for drinks last night since that was one thing I wanted to do. I had hoped that I would have more friends there but there wasn't. Its cool I had some yummy drinks and yummy food
Liz got me a skull necklace and earrings to match! They are fabulous!

2009-06-02T13:18:00.000-07:00

At California Adventures enjoying some demos and wine!

skates

2009-05-14T00:14:00.000-07:00

So I'm starting to think maybe I should start skating around again. I have inline skates and then I have my regular ones.
But I'm also thinking of getting a bike and finally learning how to ride one. I never really learned. I was getting the hang of it until my father had to start working on weekends so I never finished. And then in high school I some friends of mine try to teach me but they bike was way too tall for me. But that would mean that I would need to go buy a bike and I really don't want to if its gonna end up just sitting there.
So for now I think I will take out the skates ....

2009-05-03T21:37:00.000-07:00

So we had dinner at kobe's for my brothers bday

2009-04-23T18:11:00.001-07:00

Read the fourth line

2009-04-22T04:23:00.001-07:00

2009-02-18T03:21:00.000-08:00

Well, I can't seem to get any shut eye. I'm suppose to be up at 7 the latest...

My bird die Monday night. He was old. He lived about 18 years. I wish he had a better life though but that's what happens when you buy a pet at a young age.

2009-02-05T22:53:00.000-08:00

I want to make some crepes with fresh strawberries and a little bit of whipped cream. I think that would be yummy to make.
In the process I could make brother some of those German pancakes he loves so much..
hmmm.... I need ingredients

2008-10-06T07:42:00.000-07:00

I couldn't help but grin a little when I heard this new...
When I was in high school a friend of mine had told me most likely I would be the one being pregnant first. Mainly she was saying that I would be stupid enough to just sleep with any guy without using protection and get knocked up and I wouldn't be married and the guy would most likely not be there for me. I knew this is what she meant cos she'd snicker when she would say it. Yeah she was fucked up like that.
Well after all this time... she's the one that is. They are not married and I'm pretty sure they living arrangement is not that great either. So...yeah.
I think I'm doing good...

Are we ready for a

2008-10-01T13:56:00.001-07:00

Are we ready for a black president? We already had a retarded one.

vino tinto, vino rosada, vino blanco, vino vino vino

2008-09-16T02:04:00.000-07:00

I have the urge for a nice dinner and ....
Wine,
just glass after glass of wine.
I'm into sweet wines myself.

IF you're prefect

2008-07-19T03:00:00.000-07:00

I want to apologize for being the kind of person that I am.
I know at times it nice but most of the time its just too much isn't it.
I'm just too nice, I'm just too caring about other things that I give up my right to do something so other people can be pleased. I do it so often that I'm pretty sure some of you secretly dislike that part of me. I just too nice.
I'm negative too. You can tell me what a good thing something is and if I'm in that mood and you know me well I can shoot those good things away. I can make myself upset just by thinking negative things and in some very odd way I'm always looking for it.
I know I can be a bitch. I'm not trying to do it intentionally but guess what.. its there.
I'm too quiet. I don't speak up but thats mainly cos I don't want to hurt your feelings.
These are all bad when you're venting to someone about someone else and what they did that didn't make you happy that you wish you would have done instead. And the other person proceeds to tell me this stuff..

I want to apologize for being the way that I am.
I know Im not perfect. I tell myself that everyday...

So its my birthday.... 99%

2008-07-01T23:01:00.001-07:00

So its my birthday.... 99% of the time i hate it. Im 25 and it doesnt matter. Lucky me huh

2008-05-08T13:19:00.001-07:00

My little pup when he was sick

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yeah....

2008-04-30T19:13:00.001-07:00

So my dog is sick. He got parvo. I (with the help of my brother and liz) had had to give him shot twice a day. It hasn't been easy but if I want him to survive its a must.

I've slowly start to realize that people who I thought were my friends...are just acquaintances. And probably later on...hardly that. Frankly, my first instinct was right. It just saddens me to know this. I mean. I just thought since they seemed like the really wanted to be my friend. they would keep in contact with me. A text, an invite ( and to actually follow through with it) to hang out.

I'm glad I have friends like Jamie and Liz along with Shadee and Manuel. No matter how busy with are dealing with our pain, with kids, with work sucking ass, and just tired we manage to keep in contact.
I know i'm not the best at calling my friends but i'll send text messages. Its only because I just don't like talking on the phone but I do cherish every friend.

But you can't help me pull away where they are not even around.

2008-04-23T20:37:00.000-07:00

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2008-02-01T10:29:00.001-08:00

2008-01-12T10:01:00.000-08:00

My robot!

2007-12-31T11:44:00.000-08:00

2007-10-29T10:35:00.001-07:00

"You can't text message break up"

2007-10-21T17:22:00.000-07:00

This has to be my favorite text message conversation of the month

Me: So heres the 411 Liz doesn't' want to go but if you talk pretty to me I'll go.
Sky: Well I only need a ride home, but I still want you to come! Wait- talk pretty or dirty
Me: They both work
Sky: Aww yeah gurl, I wanna tell you how you are wonderful and awesome.... all night long! mmm, you make a guy wanna dance you so hard..
Me: Whoa thats hot. made me all warm and fuzzy inside.
Sky: Ha! I like it

hehe

2007-10-15T00:44:00.001-07:00

lovely site for this half drunk after a good party

What do you say when

2007-09-08T19:13:00.001-07:00

What do you say when someone says they miss you and you dont want them to know you miss them too cos once they know it doesnt matter in the end.

Omg

2007-09-05T19:46:00.001-07:00

This gal is bored at work. How are you doing?

"Love Ridden"

2007-08-26T08:04:00.001-07:00

I hate liking boys
I mean the whole fucking process is dumb.
Why can't I meet a nice fellow that will like me
Instead I get guys I shouldn't like that have gfs or issues.
At this rate I'll be alone for a long time.

2007-08-24T14:34:00.000-07:00

We are too weird of friends :P

you know shit...

2007-08-23T23:32:00.000-07:00

Its seems to be my night off. I hadn't planned it to be my night off but I was too lazy to change and drive to the bowling alley. Some of you know what I'm talking about. Ezzy

Anyway I'm having hot cocoa with a hint of mint. This should be an indication that I really want it to be Fall and Winter.

I cannot wait till October! Disneyland time! Halloween! :D

And my 1st job boss is a bitch but you guys already now this. She's a liar. And I've had enough. I can't wait for her to yell at me cos HR is gonna call her! Its on muthafuka!

bored at target

2007-08-20T01:21:00.001-07:00

T.O.S

2007-08-19T12:03:00.000-07:00

Out with Ez

2007-08-09T02:20:00.001-07:00

So Ezrael wanted to go out . We had our booze, played some games at the casino and came home with more money in our pockets.

2007-08-06T22:01:00.001-07:00

Would you like to join

2007-08-05T13:44:00.000-07:00

Would you like to join me for a date tonight?

TOS

2007-07-31T00:08:00.000-07:00

T.heO.uterS.pace event August 31st: SYMBIOSIS

more news soon....

Sunday Morning

2007-07-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

After sleeping the majority of yesterday I woke up without feeling tired this morning. I still managed to get out of the house late but when I walked out the door I noticed it wasn't fucking hot and humid like the past couple mornings. Lovely. I was actually happy to hop in my car, roll down the windows and drive to work.

company

2007-07-24T08:08:00.000-07:00

I need a company name...
hmmmm...